Welcoming February in about 30 minutes. A short month to go but it's gonna be a packed one. My classes are starting on 14 February (yes, I'm retaking my O's as a private candidate), hell no it's starting on Valentines' Day. Actually it doesn't really makes a difference. I just feel that it's weird to start my classes on such a 'loving' day.
I'm still not very sure if I've made the right choice. There are sure a lot of advices given to me. People whom supported me, of course, people who bring me down and people who don't really give a damn. I really envy those who made it to poly. Especially close or used to be close buddies/ friends.
My emotions are like on a roller coaster ride these few days. I wonder how people look at me. I feel useless most of the time, wasting a hell lot of good money to retake. I fear that I will not meet the expectations and disappoint people who pin hopes on me. The burden is too much for me to take that I feel like I'm breaking down soon. Every little thing is slowly falling apart. Even tiny things like a particle would have erupted the volcano in me.
Every day, I make a promise to myself to be a better person and I break this promise at the end of each day.
Most of the time, I still hope that you'd be here to listen to all my whines and give me advices. You'd have known what was good for me. I know because I trust.
Have a lovable February!
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